Clothes

So I've been having trouble with my clothes lately. NOTHING FITS!!

 

Which wouldn't make any sense because as I lose weight I should be able to get back into old clothes that use to fit me.

 

Well that's the problem.

 

I have never been this size. I am 7lbs away from being at my weight before I got preggo with Ten. Which means those pants and such are still a size too small.

 

But all the clothes I bought after having Ten are falling off of me!

 

Like literally its so bad that I bent over and my whole butt fell outta my pants.

 

I sat down and there was so much fabric bunched up that it looked horrible.

 

When I went from sitting to standing my jeans would all bunch up and it looked like I had creepy things growing out of my legs.

 

I know this should make me happy.

 

My CLOTHES DON'T FIT. But on the flip side my "skinny" clothes don't fit either. Im kinda in a la la land.

 

So today I went to a bday party in those too tight pants and felt horrible about myself the whole time. I should have worn my fat falling off of my body pants cause at least then I would have been comfortable.

 

I really want to go shopping but I really want to get to a certain weight before I start to buy smaller things. I still feel like the 20lb heavier girl I was 6 weeks ago.

 

Losing weight is s serious mental game. You cant just lose weight and not get emotional. You have to deal with your emotions, learn to control your urges, learn how to love yourself.

 

Its one of the hardest things Ive done. Im going to keep doing it, obviously, I still have a lot of weight to lose but days like this make me wonder why Im doing it. If after losing 20lbs I still feel horrible about myself. What is the point of all that hard work?

 

I guess the point is to keep doing it until all that hard work is worth it, until you can finally love yourself and not feel judged by others, when you can put on your skinny clothes and love the way you look.

 

I cant wait for the day =)